Job in his affliction called his three friends, “miserable comforters” (Job 16:2).  But when we look at what they did  on Job’s behalf (see previous article, ‘Miserable Comforters’), we see that they went far beyond our feeble efforts to comfort the afflicted. How then can we possibly avoid being “miserable comforters”?

First of all, we should recognize that comfort is more in the heart than in the words.  Although Job’s friends stayed with Job, spiritually their hearts were not “with” him.  Rather, they kept themselves above Job.  They said, “Pray and  God will lift you up to be as we are”. Instead, true comfort says:  “I am willing to go down where you are – to share your feelings of grief, anger, loneliness, and despair”.   For comfort to be transferred, the comforter must place himself at the same level as the afflicted.  It’s just like plugging a plug into an outlet – in order for a connection to be made, the plug must line up at the same level with the outlet.  However, Job’s friends gave no indication that they had ever been in a similar predicament.  They gave no hint that they understood and sympathized with his feelings.

Secondly,  we should never react defensively when the sufferer attacks us. Like a wounded animal, the sufferer will lash out at  anyone, even those who are sincerely trying to help.  We should expect this, and not answer back when they wound us.  Job’s friends did not do this.  When Job lashed out at his friends,  first they tried to justify themselves, and then they returned the attack. They became more and more defensive, more and more strident in their accusations against Job, and less and less concerned with Job’s suffering.

Many times during his speeches,  Job even lashes out at God.  But God understood that Job was reacting from his deep pain, and does not  count his words against him as sin. Just as God overlooked Job’s tirades against Him, so we also should overlook  when the afflicted attack us with their words.

In the next article ('The Comforter’s Key’), we will share the spiritual key to  genuine comfort.

Prayer: Father, I acknowledge my grievous shortcomings as a comforter.  I may say nice words, but out of fear I still keep myself separate from others' sufferings, and refuse to immerse myself in their experience.  And I am prone to answer back when others attack me.  Lord Jesus, please teach me Your way -- how You who wept wordlessly in compassion for the afflicted, how You remained silent when others taunted You. Empower me, Lord, by Your gracious Holy Spirit which dwells in me.

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